Gravity Gamers
by PaxRomaDacia
Summary: When Dipper and Wendy get bored out of their minds one day, they decide to get into the whole let's play trend for fun. Watch as our two best friends go through various perils of humiliation, bad controls, sex jokes, and cooperative gameplay, as our two favorite people go through various games to fill the empty holes of their boredom, which they may or may not regret.
1. Chapter 1

Authors note: So this is just something I felt like doing because… I like Gravity Falls, and video games, and I also watch a lot of funny let's plays on YouTube so I thought, fuck it! Let's make a Gravity Falls let's play thing. I thought Dipper and Wendy would work well in these fun little stories since they have a pretty solid chemistry in the show, and also going to tell you guys that our two friends are going to do this uncensored, so expect a lot of fucked shit they'll say out of rage or they just say it without thinking, I'll also have some guest appearances from other characters on Gravity Falls. Other than that, I hope you enjoy this new series.

P.S.- These stories are going to take a while to upload since I'll just do them when I'm in the mood or have a brain art, so keep yourself occupied with my other story Dystopia, you'll love it.

**Chapter 1: Gender Swapping Humility**

**O-O-O**

***BZZZ***

Static covered the screen of a camera, nothing but black, white, and grey pixels were seen moving. Slowly, the static dispersed to a clearer image, picking up two faint, but barely audible voices. As the static cleared up, it showed a clean image of a T.V. screen, showing a title screen of a certain video game known as "Disneyland Adventures Kinect", while the sound finally cleared up, revealing the voices of Dipper and Wendy.

The two friends were at the Mystery Shack, usually they would goof around since it was a slow day today, but they decided to waste their time by playing a Kinect game, all thanks to Stan. Dipper asked his Grunkle where and why he got an Xbox 360 with a Kinect and the game. Apparently, he found the items in some bargain bin at the mall while trying to find some stuff to use to make more attractions for the Shack, he said he got the stuff because he wanted to give it to Dipper as an early birthday present since he would forget his birthday eventually, but he never answered if he paid with cash.

After getting the console, Dipper asked Wendy if she was interested and considering how today was, she agreed and had an idea to make things a little more interesting, to get Dipper's camera and record a let's play, mostly because she thought it would be fun to do. After setting up everything they needed to do at the living room of the Shack, the duo turned on the T.V. and well, began their descent into a shitty game.

"Is it on?" Asked Wendy, wondering if the camera was on as she laid down on the carpet, right next to the chair to avoid the Kinect from picking her up, because the Kinect is too shitty to handle more than one person on the camera.

"Yup, I think it should be recording… now." Said Dipper as he stepped back enough and gave himself enough space for the Kinect camera to pick up his movements.

Dipper cleared his throat as he began making an introduction since this was a let's play he was doing.

"Hello, internet. I'm Dipper, detective extraordinaire."

"I'm Wendy, the cool one on camera." Joked Wendy, making Dipper smile at the quip.

"And we're playing, Disneyland Adventures on the Kinect." Continued Dipper, regretting his choice to play a Kinect game already as he struggles to properly use the Kinect by moving his hand to the start button, which is proving unresponsive so far.

"This is already a good start." Said Wendy sarcastically. "Why do you even own this again?"

"Stan got this for me as an early birthday present." Answered Dipper, as he finally got the menu working and went to new game.

"Crappy birthday."

**O-O-O**

The screen now showed the option to pick between boy and girl, giving the option to give a command through voice command.

"Xbox. Boy." Commanded Dipper, but he got no response from the game. "Xbox. Boy."

Dipper repeated the command over and over as Wendy started to chuckle. "It's defiant."

"Ha-ha, yeah it's like, NO." Joked Dipper, making Wendy chuckle with him, though he was still somewhat frustrated with the voice command.

"Open the pod bay doors Hal." Said Wendy, imitating a scene from the movie "2001 A Space Odyssey" and then changed into a monotone voice. "I'm sorry Dipper. I can't let you do that."

"It's a piece of shit. XBOX. BOY!" Said Dipper, now getting frustrated with the voice command. "Xbox. You're a bitch."

Oddly enough, the voice command was recognized and chose the girl option, which made the two friends laugh at the command.

"How does that work?" Said Wendy, whose mind is boggled at how the command worked.

"I have no idea." Said Dipper, just as confused as Wendy.

After the whole menu debacle, the screen showed Dipper's player as a little girl at the Disneyland entrance. Looking around at the environment, Dipper used his arms and turned them sided to side with his waist for the Kinect camera to pick up so he could turn in game, which made Wendy raise an eyebrow at the sight.

"The hell are you doing?" Asked Wendy, confused at Dipper's jerky movements. "You look like you're trying to have a stroke."

"Here's the thing about Kinect, its controls are horrible. If I want to turn in this game, I have to act like this so I can actually move." Explained Dipper as moved his arms around as an example. "On the bright side, I can do this."

Dipper then waved his arms around wildly, which the Kinect picked up and showed the game character fail its arms around awkwardly, making Wendy snicker. The two friends then noticed that Mickey Mouse was there, making Dipper cringe in fear while Wendy grinned, thinking of an idea as Mickey waved at the game character.

"Oh god. Not him." Said Dipper, not very excited about Mickey as his game character went to Mickey, then he jumped back a bit when he heard a high pitched voice close to him.

"He-hey kid! Come here for a sec." Said Wendy, imitating Mickey's voice almost perfectly as the game character got close to Mickey. "Wave at me. Come on."

"I really don't want to." Said Dipper dreadfully, but complied anyways since it was the only way to progress into the game, so he waved at the Kinect camera to make his character do the same, going into a cut scene as Mickey spoke.

"Ho-ho. I'm a giant fucking mouse." Said Wendy in her Mickey impression, not really paying attention to Mickey speaking in the game. "I grew up in a radioactive fucking nuclear plant."

"Mickey, you shouldn't be swearing. I'm just a little girl." said Dipper, going with the act Wendy was making.

"I'm Mickey Mouse bitch! I do what I want." Said Wendy, stifling a giggle as she continued in her impression.

When the cut scene was finished, Dipper now had free reign to move around the game world, and made his character move to collect some bouncing coins close by, and began moving his arms around again.

"Oh my gosh! Look at all the coins. HAHAHAHAHAHA." Said Dipper, fake laughing like he enjoyed collecting them, but in reality he didn't.

"Stop failing your arms around like that. You look like your retarded or something." Wendy said in her Mickey voice.

"HAHA, shut the fuck up Mickey! I'm having fun." Said Dipper as he continued collecting coins.

"Ho-ho, you're gonna regret that you son of a bitch." Said Wendy, as she began chuckling and went into her normal voice. "What the fuck are we doing?"

**O-O-O**

"We gotta go see Donald Duck now" Said Dipper as he made his character walk inside to find Donald. "Let's go have an adventure."

"The adventure in hell." Quipped Wendy, as Dipper raised his arms in the air, making the character do the same which made the character look like a complete tool.

"OH, OH MA GOD! PLEASE! UH!" Said Dipper, acting like he was in terror, making Wendy laugh at the sight.

Eventually, they got to Donald Duck and started waving at Donald to go into another cut scene with Donald talking.

"Hello! I'm Donald Duck." Said Donald in the game.

"Yeah hi. Can you sign this autograph book? Mickey said he was going to kill me." Said Dipper, wanting to accomplish the objective to rush through the game.

"Oh boy! An autograph book from Mickey." Said Donald, while Wendy began another impression of Donald.

"I'll sign it with my penis." Said Wendy in a Donald Duck voice, which made both friends laugh hard at the sudden joke. "I'll use duck sauce."

"What the fuck man?" Asked Dipper, still laughing at the joke. "Why?"

"Just shut up and get in my van."

**O-O-O**

Dipper's game character eventually arrived at the Disneyland square, which had Mickey in the middle as Dipper's character went up to him.

"Hey Mickey. I got your stupid autograph but Donald said he was going to rape me." Said Dipper, continuing with the act. "He wants me to get in his van."

"Well then, you should go inside then." Responded Wendy, now in her Mickey impression.

The game then told Dipper to wave at Mickey, but while Dipper did just that, the game did not respond well, barely lifting the hand in the game.

"I'm waving my hand." Said Dipper, getting frustrated with the bad controls as the game did not respond still as it jerked the character's hand around in an erratic manner. "I'm waving my fucking hand! What the holy fuck? My hand is malfunctioning!"

Wendy just laughed at Dipper's frustration, finding it hilarious that this game could actually piss off Dipper who was usually level headed. She wasn't the one playing the game though, so she wouldn't understand too much unless she tried it herself. But she had too much fun acting like perverted Disney characters, especially since she was a pretty good voice impersonator.

"Finally." Said Dipper as he managed to talk to Mickey. "I think I'm supposed to be six feet tall to play this game, so that's the problem."

"Or maybe you're just playing a shitty game." Suggested Wendy, which made Dipper nod in response.

"That too." Agreed Dipper, as he accidentally paused the game for a second, then he unpaused it to reveal that his character changed from a girl to a boy. "What the fuck happened to my character?"

The two friends just stared at the screen in silence until Wendy spoke lowly.

"You're a little boy now… HAHAHAHAHA!" Wendy just burst out in laughter from the sudden change, which made Dipper both mad and confused.

"Mickey? Why was I transformed into a little boy all of a sudden?" Asked Dipper, but Wendy was too busy laughing at what she just saw. "I don't even know if I'm a boy or a girl now."

"HAHA *wheeze* confused huh? HAHAHAHA!" Wendy couldn't control her laughter, not able to make a joke at what she just saw.

"Seriously, I have no idea what just happened." Said Dipper, still expecting an answer from Wendy.

"Hehe, Disneyland gender swapping adventures! Not satisfied with your body? Come to Disneyland and we'll change that… HAHAHAHA!" Exclaimed Wendy, who went back into laughter.

Dipper made his character, acting dazed and confused until he bumped into what was supposed to be someone called Karen the park guide.

"Oh Karen, help me. I'm lost and I was given a sex change without permission. What's happening to me?" Asked Dipper while Wendy just chuckled.

"Hope to see you around the park." Said Karen, saying her goodbyes.

"NO!" Said Dipper and Wendy at the same time as Dipper continued. "No Karen! You're not listening to me. No one listens."

Dipper then made his character walk around the park more, still in the act of trying to comprehend a sudden sex change.

"Help! Please help!" Shouted Dipper as he stuck out his arms out in a plea for help. "I need an adult, I need an adult."

**O-O-O**

After going through some more tedious work and panicking about a sex change, Dipper managed to drag himself into a mini game by entering a ride called "Matterhorn Bobsleds", the entrance being a portal.

"I'm expecting to turn into a turtle if I go in there." Said Dipper, making his now male gaming character go in the portal, while Wendy held back a snicker.

As the loading screen popped up, it gave directions and motion directions on how to play the mini game.

"Lean left or right to avoid bumping into things. I'm sure that'll work flawlessly." Said Dipper sarcastically.

"Yeah totally. The Kinect never fucks up." Responded Wendy, also in a sarcastic tone as the mini game began.

As expected, the controls proved to be Dipper's undoing, as he tried leaning left and right but ended up hitting every rock obstacle in the way while missing most of the collectable coins as Goofy skied in front, making Wendy laugh at the horrible controls and Dipper's displeasure.

"This is way too dangerous for a child with no parents to be doing." Said Wendy, pointing out the bobsledding game has several rocks that could kill someone in real life.

"Goofy, this hurts." Said Dipper laughing in between while hitting more rocks. "Those rocks hurt and can break all my bones, OW! Goofy why? OW!"

"Isn't it because you have to get Donald's hat?" Asked Wendy, remembering what the whole point of this mini game was.

"I missed Donald's hat after the ten thousand rocks hit me." Replied Dipper. "Goofy, you're not as funny as I remember."

"It sure is quiet here." Said Goofy as the game went into a cut scene.

"There's probably a sniper." Replied Dipper as Wendy pretended her hand was a gun and pointed it at Dipper's head, who noticed it at the corner of his eye.

"Yeti!" Screamed Goofy, as the screen showed a yeti while Wendy just made pew sounds like she was shooting.

**O-O-O**

After the cut scene, Dipper and Wendy's jaws dropped at what they saw, a photo of Dipper trying to lean left while he was playing the game earlier, making him look like a total tool.

"Oh my god." Said Dipper, laughing at the photo with Wendy. "That is not going in the video, whoever is editing this."

"It's going on my phone." Said Wendy, using her cellphone to capture the moment on screen and saved the picture.

"Of course you would." Said Dipper, not surprised at Wendy's snapshot as he saw two options on the screen for the photo. One was continue while the other was upload to KinectShare, but Dipper was hoping for a delete option.

"Do you want to upload to KinectShare?" Asked Wendy teasingly, giving Dipper a wide grin that made him chuckle.

"Oh Christ no." Replied Dipper.

"Upload to KinectShare." Spoke up Wendy, joking around that the Kinect would listen to her.

"No. continue." Said Dipper, expecting the Kinect to register his voice command.

But the Kinect listened to Wendy first and uploaded the embarrassing photo to KinectShare, making Dipper's eyes wide and mouth gape open in a frown, while Wendy's jaw dropped again at the fact the Kinect listened to her. There was a few second silence before it ended with Dipper's shout.

"NOOOOOOOO!" Shouted Dipper in dramatic fashion, making Wendy laugh as hard as when the gender swapping happened earlier, while Dipper turned to Wendy angrily. "You fucking cock!"

"I didn't think it would work." Said Wendy honestly, before breaking out in laughter again. "I think the Kinect likes me. HAHAHAHA!"

"I didn't want that photo uploaded." Said Dipper, lowering his voice but still clearly mad. "I don't want any human being to see that!"

All Wendy could do was laugh, and continued to laugh so hard that she couldn't breathe for a few moments, coughing loudly but still laughed in between as tears ran down her face from laughing too hard. "Mabel is gonna love this."

"How do I delete that shit?" Asked Dipper, hoping to get rid of the embarrassing upload.

"I don't know. I don't even know what KinectShare is." Said Wendy as she managed to regain her composure.

Dipper just sighed heavily and continued, trying to forget what just happened. As the loading screen popped up for the next game, he noticed that his game character changed back into a girl, just to put icing on the cake of humiliation.

"Heh, you're a little girl now." Pointed out Wendy, who went back into laughter as Dipper threw up his arms in frustration.

"What the fuck is happening?" Shouted Dipper in confusion, still not understanding the sudden character changes.

After the whole mini game, the character was transported out of the portal and back in the middle of Disneyland, into a crowd of people that kept walking past Dipper's character while he made the character wave for help.

"Someone? Anyone? Please help me?" Asked Dipper, while Wendy just kept chuckling.

"This is one of the greatest things ever." Admitted Wendy, wiping away the tears of laughter as Dipper just scoffed.

**O-O-O**

After walking around the park for a while, Dipper's character found Mickey again to turn in the objectives for Donald about getting his autograph and hat.

"Hey Mickey. I got that autograph from Donald that you wanted. Can I go do fun stuff now like a normal kid?" Asked Dipper.

"No! You belong to me." Responded Wendy in her Mickey voice, while the game paused by itself again due to a connection problem.

When the game unpaused, the game character changed again. It was still a girl but she was now white instead of black.

"HAHA! What the hell just happened?" Asked Wendy in her Mickey Mouse voice, making Dipper chuckle. "You just went from a little black girl to a little white girl."

"I don't know Mickey. Does that mean I-

"No, no. You go do the next mission. I own your ass now." Interrupted Wendy in her Mickey voice as Dipper's character went to do the mission unwillingly.

"Okay thanks Mickey. Bye asshole." Responded Dipper as his character walked away.

**O-O-O**

"Oh man, did you see that Disney princess back there? She had like the biggest tits." Said Dipper, making Wendy chuckle a bit. "When I grow up, I want to have tits like that."

"Unless you turn into a boy again." Quipped Wendy.

"Yeah, I'm gonna want to change my mind after that." Responded Dipper. "It's so confusing."

After walking around some more and collecting some items for a previous quest for a Disney princess, Dipper's character went back to Ariel, the princess that asked him to do this.

"Okay I got your dinglehoppers for you. They're called forks by the way." Said Dipper talking to the princess. "I know you don't know too much about human things but really? Dinglehoppers?"

Ariel just finished her conversation and the game gave the option to give Ariel a high five, while Dipper just made his hand go up and made a Nazi salute, which made Wendy laugh at the sight.

"Hiel Ariel. Hiel Ariel." Said Dipper, hoping that the Kinect would accept the motion command as a high five for amusement, but it just triggered a conversation instead.

"I'd love for you to tell me about human stuff." Said Ariel, but Dipper decided to misinterpret what she said.

"What? Human suffering? I can tell you what that is, it's playing this game." Said Dipper, making Wendy laugh at the misinterpretation.

**O-O-O**

"Oh look, "It's a Small World." You have to go in there." Said Wendy, pointing at the screen of the T.V. to a portal that led there.

"Oh great, the most nightmarish place ever created by humanity." Said Dipper, unenthused as he went in the portal.

"Oh come on, its classic." Said Wendy, trying to convince that maybe this ride would be enjoyable.

"I actually went to that ride in real life with Mabel. We agreed to never go back again, and look what I'm doing now." Said Dipper as he pointed at the screen. "I hate this game."

The screen then showed Dipper's character on a boat as a child sailor began introducing the ride.

"All aboard the happiest ride in the world." Said the sailor, which did not convince Dipper at all.

"Forced happiness. Can't wait for that." Said Dipper sarcastically as he began moving his hands in a winching motion to get the boat moving. "Oh great. I have to do manual labor. I can't believe that I'm doing manual labor on "It's a Small World."

Wendy just laughed at Dipper's sarcasm as the boat stopped at a Hawaiian themed island in front, seeing a hula dancer well, dance. Dipper and Wendy just looked at the screen, not really sure what to make of it since Dipper tried moving and the boat refused to do so.

"What do I do?" Asked Dipper, confused about what to do on the ride. "Do I have to dance?

"I think so, but it's not telling you anything." Answered Wendy, which made Dipper awkwardly dance like the hula dancer as Wendy snickered at the sight and cheered. "Yeah! Shake it!"

Dipper just sighed and continued winching the boat when the dance was done, and doing dances for each stop the boat made with every different nationality of child, making Dipper look like a moron.

"As expected, this ride is the most awful and painful thing to ever experience." Said Dipper, losing his patience at the tedious dancing.

"Actually, this is much worse than the actual ride. I didn't have to dance to get through the ride." Said Wendy, remembering her childhood memories.

"It still sucked." Said Dipper, done with the last dance and continued to winch the boat forward. "Maybe if I collect enough coins, I can buy my freedom."

And for the third time, the game paused again before unpasing again, to revel that the character changed into a boy again.

"Oh for god's sake." Said Dipper, frustrated at the change as Wendy laughed again.

"You're a little boy now." Said Wendy as she laughed. "That never gets old."

Eventually, the ride is close to an end, stopping for the final time at some other boat in front that had every kid that Dipper was forced to dance with.

"Oh great, it's a talent show. Who's gonna rape me the best?" Quipped Dipper as he had to dance to every single kid and mimic their dances again, which made Dipper groan in frustration, annoyance, and pain as he moved his waist around for the dance. "Oh god, I have to pee. This crap is going to make me pee."

**O-O-O**

After Dipper went to the bathroom and had another sex change in the game, the screen showed four photos of Dipper attempting to dance to each dance he had to do, as if the last photo was bad enough.

"Holy shit." Said Wendy, looking at each of the photos as she took a picture of them on her phone. "If only you had your lamb costume."

"God no. This is not getting uploaded." Said Dipper as he was given the two options again.

"Upload to-

"No! Don't upload to KinectShare!" Interrupted Dipper, not wanting Wendy to upload them again.

But Fate worked against Dipper, for the Kinect uploaded the photos, aming Dipper get down on his knees and scream in dramatic fashion again.

"NOOOOOOOO!" Shouted Dipper again, which made Wendy laugh just as much as the last time it happened, coughing between laughs at Dipper's mistake.

"HAHAHAHA! I can't be-*cough* believe you actually *cough* fell for it." Said Wendy, barely able to breathe as she kept laughing at the humiliated Dipper, who took a deep breath before letting out another scream.

"NOOOOOOOO!"

**O-O-O**

Disclaimer: I do not own Gravity Falls or anything Disney related.


	2. Chapter 2

Authors note: I made a quick chapter here, it's a little tamer than the previous chapter, so not as much swearing or suffering from Dipper, but I will work on those chapters later on. This is a different game so there's more variety in these little stories, I'll actually work on this game for a bit before decide which game Dipper and Wendy play next. Not much else to say except enjoy the chapter, and review as always.

**Chapter 2: "Realistic Hunting"**

**O-O-O**

Back in the Mystery Shack, Dipper and Wendy thought that yesterday was quite a fun experience, at least Wendy did, Dipper just went through torture but it was actually kind of fun, and when they gave the footage to Soos to help upload to the internet, they already had a few thousand views. It wasn't much, but the two friends liked the fact that people were entertained by their antics and decided to continue with Disneyland Adventures, although Dipper insisted that there should be some more variety of games on the channel they called Gravity Gamers, mostly because he REALLY didn't want to play that game again.

Dipper was now waiting for Wendy in the living room, he was expecting her to come by early morning even though she didn't have work today, and it took some convincing and the rest of his allowance to convince Stan to let Wendy come over even when she didn't have work. Dipper also knew that Wendy was going to come over with some other games to play for their new channel, though she didn't say what games she would bring over, only that she would go to the mall and get some games at a bargain bin, so Dipper wouldn't expect much from those bins, that was where the Kinect came from.

Just then, he heard his sister across the room call out to him. "Dipper! Wendy's here!"

Dipper then walked over to the front door to see Mabel with Wendy carrying a plastic bag with the games she bought.

"Sup dude." Greeted Wendy in her usual cool demeanor. "Got the games I promised."

"Good. Then we don't have to play THAT game again." Said Dipper, mentioning the game that reminded him why he and Mabel never liked anything Disney related.

"Oh no, that's too rich to pass up. We're still playing it." Said Wendy, making Dipper anxious about the game. "But because I feel sorry for you, we'll play something else today."

Dipper then sighed with relief, while Mabel snickered as she remembered the video Soos helped uploaded. "I saw the video with Soos by the way, we've never laughed so much before."

"Oh you uh, you saw it?" Asked Dipper, embarrassed that his sister saw the video. "So you even heard all the, you know."

"The swearing? Yup." Answered Mabel happily. "I thought it was hilarious at how mad you got since you really don't like Disney."

"I thought you wouldn't like it. It's not like me to do that." Said Dipper as Mabel put a hand n Dipper's shoulder.

"I did. Which brings me to this. Can I watch you guys play today? I want to see how funny you guys are myself." Asked Mabel, eager to hang out with Dipper and Wendy today.

"Sure. There's always room for one more." Agreed Wendy as the three went into the living room to set up the recording equipment and start a new game.

"I'm gonna warn you right now Mabel, we act like different people when we play these games. I don't know why we do, but we just roll with it." Warned Dipper.

"I can handle it." Said Mabel cheerfully, holding a thumbs up as Wendy inserted one of the games from the bag into the console.

"You guys are gonna love this." Said Wendy, talking about the new game she just put in and started the recording.

That game in question was called "Cabela's Dangerous Hunts 2011"

**O-O-O**

"Here we are. Cabela's Dangerous Hunts 2011." Introduced Wendy, showing the title screen on the T.V.

"Really now? I've heard so many good things about this game." Said Dipper sarcastically, knowing full about this game's reputation even though he never played the game.

"I've played through the entire thing at Thomson's place with my friends." Admitted Wendy. "I think that it's so good, I won't spoil anything."

"Oh joy, I can't wait." Said Dipper as he pressed start.

There was an intro cut scene for the game since they were playing the story mode, story mode of a supposed hunting game, which didn't have anything interesting except some small tutorials and some strange beast thing no one cared about. After the intro, the game was on a loading screen while the main character Cole began a monologue.

"My father was never an easy man to get along with, but I know how much this hunt meant to him." Said Cole's monologue.

"So I gave him a thirty minute lead before I started tracking him." Said Wendy over the monologue, getting a few chuckles from the twins.

The screen was now doing a passing shot while the main character's father began describing the environment around him and how much it meant to him with his two sons.

"This land, is in our blood." Said the father.

"Just like the booze." Said Wendy imitating the father's voice, making Dipper chuckle. "We drank before we came out here."

"In fact, that's .75 of our blood that hunting is in." Said Dipper, adding to the booze quip.

"I thought I heard the wind say something about picking up a sandwich before heading out of town." Said Cole's brother, making Dipper scoff at the dumb joke.

"I don't know what passes for hunting with those yahoos in town." Said the father.

"Those fucking small town slash big city folks." Said Wendy as the father continued talking.

"No eating. No drawing-

"And no hunting…uh." Interrupted Wendy, who continued to give her own version of the father's dialogue.

"I'm not the one who needs a hunting lesson here. Cole here, can't remember the last time he chased anything without a skirt." Said the brother to Cole.

"He's right father, I only chase the ladies. EHAHA! *snort*" Said Wendy, acting like a nerdy brother, making Mabel laugh at the imitation while dipper just smirked.

The game then gave control to Dipper as the screen zoomed in on a flock of geese.

"Here comes a flock of geese. Let's see how you handle that shotgun." Said the father as the screen zoomed out and gave Dipper the chance to aim and shoot.

"Here comes some fucking geese. Let's see how you handle that shotgun." Said Wendy, attempted to do a gruff voice similar to the father's.

"Oh god, uh. Can I aim with the shotgun?" Asked Dipper, not able to aim with said gun.

"Shoot the fucking geese." Said Wendy, making Dipper just shoot a bunch of geese.

Dipper learned the controls quite quickly, definitely better than the Kinect since it was a controller, so he managed to take down plenty of geese and reload very fast.

"Oh my god." Exclaimed Mabel, seeing Dipper take down a dozen geese while reloading extremely fast, making the girl's jaw drop. "Most realistic hunting game ever."

When Dipper was done, the game then went into another cut scene with the dad. "That's twelve geese dad. How's that?"

"Not bad." Said the dad, making the three friends laugh at the response. "Of course, you'll never be the better marksman like your brother."

"When I was your age, I took down at least sixty geese. Then I drank their blood." Said Wendy, imitating the father again which made Dipper laugh a bit.

"You favor your mother's side of the family. She was never cut out for this kind of stuff." Said the father.

"Dad is kind of an asshole." Said Dipper, surprised at the father's mean attitude.

"Hell, I expect she's much more comfortable down south, with her shopping malls and tofu salads." Said the father, making the twins laugh at the comment.

"Yeah, because all we eat down south is tofu." Said Mabel sarcastically. "What a jerk."

"What about you boy? You turn vegetarian yet?" Quipped the father, making the brother do an awkward laugh as he punched Cole's shoulder, the weird laugh was enough to make the twins laugh at how dumb it was.

"AHAHA, yes father. Ouch." Said Wendy, imitating a nerd again as the game gave freedom of movement for Dipper, while Wendy commented further. "Father, wait for me. I'm weighed down by this backpack full of tofu."

This made the twins laugh at the quip, as the game went into another cut scene.

**O-O-O**

"Every son in this family has proven his manhood by a hunter's rite of passage." Said the father.

"There was one guy who proved his manhood by jumping off a cliff and falling three hundred feet and surviving, but we're not gonna do that." Said Wendy, as the game gave movement to Dipper.

The game controlled okay for the most part, although there was a delay in movement and the guns were not visible on screen, just the cursor for them, the graphics were crap as expected, and there was a choice between three guns, a revolver with infinite ammo, a rifle, and a shotgun.

"If you're wondering why you can't see the gun, this game in particular came with a light gun package so you could aim it at the screen, but I don't have it because it's garbage." Explained Wendy.

"Can I hunt Mickey in this game?" Asked Dipper, eager to get vengeance on the mouse for yesterday.

"No. but you can hunt fruit from trees and icicles, some of man's most dangerous prey." Answered Wendy. "They're also collectables."

"Do I gain any special powers from getting them like more heath or something?" Asked Dipper, walking through the bland, linear landscape.

"Better. Hunting galleries. They have photos of sexy men posing with dead animals." Said Wendy, which made Dipper frown.

Dipper eventually got a tutorial on something called hunter sense, which asked him to press the LB button to use. When he pressed it, his vision became blurred with red and blue color, only making it worse to see.

"What the fuck?" Exclaimed Dipper, surprised at the blurred vision

"Oh my god, I'm so high right now." Said Wendy, which is what she thought was happening with the game.

I can't see anything." Said Dipper, squinting to see if there was anything on screen that didn't hurt his eyes. "Are those arrows?"

"No, those are LSD tablets." Said Wendy, as Dipper turned off the hunter sense while Mabel shook her head.

**O-O-O**

After that little incident, Dipper found what he was supposed to be looking for, the elk that he was supposed to hunt, but he only noticed it as he walked close to it.

"Oh god!" Exclaimed Dipper, not noticing the elk before until now and was surprised that the elk didn't notice either.

"Shoot it!" Shouted Wendy, making Dipper shot the elk dead, at its butt. "You shot it in the asshole."

This made Dipper laugh while the game went into a cut scene with the father and brother again.

"Good job son, that's a clean kill." Complemented the father.

"Right in the butt, good job son. That's how you do it." Said Wendy, now imitating the father again.

"Our family has been shooting elk in the butt for ten generations." Said Dipper, imitating a gruff voice that made Mabel laugh while Wendy continued it.

"You shoot it in the ass so the rest of the goods ain't damaged." Said Wendy, acting like the father as Dipper and Mabel laughed at the joke. "Nobody likes to eat the ass anyways."

Although they couldn't see it, Cole was now cutting the elk open and took out its heart, grossing out Mabel while Dipper and Wendy were too busy focusing on how much the game sucks.

"Whoa. That's uh, kind of gross." Said the brother.

"Gross? Boy-

"Don't you ever use that word around me, you faggot." Interrupted Wendy, imitating that dad which made Dipper laugh.

"What are we doing?" Asked Dipper, as Cole ate the heart by his father's orders.

"I ate the heart, father." Said Wendy, in the nerdy brother voice again as the father asked if it tastes good. "It's okay. It would be better as a heart salad."

All of a sudden, a mountain lion pounced on the father from his back, shocking the twins who did not expect it.

"Oh god! It's a cat." Exclaimed Dipper.

"Kill my father, please." Said Wendy in the nerdy voice while the twins laughed again as Cole shot the mountain lion and made it ran off.

"I think Cole just saved your life." Said the brother to his father.

"You never leave a wounded animal loose in the woods! When you shoot, you shoot to kill!" Exclaimed the father, not pleased with Cole. "No excuses, no exceptions!"

"I'm sorry father. I just wanted it to live and kill you" Said Wendy, making the twins laugh at the cruel joke.

**O-O-O**

After some more walking, Cole and his family got to a ruined campsite while in the middle of a blizzard, which looked like it was attacked.

"That mountain lion, you don't think?" Asked Cole's brother.

"No mountain lion did this." Said the father.

"No." Said Wendy, giving her own guess to what happened as the father. "This was the work of… maaaaan."

After saying in in a dramatic voice, the three friends laughed at the dramatic guess while Cole looked down to see a paw print.

"We've arranged a little "accident' for you." Said Wendy as the father.

"It's a grizzly bear. No doubt about it." Said the brother, noticing the paw print.

"We've paid a number of bears to come here." Said Wendy, giving her explanation to the paw print as Dipper chuckled.

"You won't be alone-

"Scum." Interrupted Wendy, imitating the father to Dipper. "I mean, son."

"You have a problem with that Cole?" Asked the father.

"Wendy, why are we such a pussy in this game?" Asked Dipper, making Mabel stifle a giggle.

"Because our father says we eat tofu." Answered Wendy, making Dipper snicker.

"We should write a strongly worded letter." Suggested Dipper, as he continued walking to his objective in the game.

"W-we should write a strongly worded letter. HAHAHA!" Repeated Wendy between laughter, with Mabel joining in, loving the banter between the two. "That would be awesome."

"He might actually appreciate that." Said Dipper, trying to contain his laughter.

"You wrote a letter, I like that son." Said Wendy, impersonating the father as the twins laughed. "That shows ambition."

The three almost did not notice the avalanche coming down on them in the game.

"Look out! It's an avalanche of negativity." Said Wendy, making everyone laugh at the joke as the loading screen came up.

Mabel was convinced, these two were a riot.

**O-O-O**

As the game loaded completely, Cole was walking out in the dark of night, the vision was blurry while Wendy decided that she would act like the father for the rest of the game, talking in that gruff voice.

"Our imaginations were severely limited by an accident we had, with a rifle. It shot us all in the imagination." Said Wendy, explaining why her hunter dad character is an asshole while Dipper and Mabel tried to contain their laughter. "All we can do now is hate salad. And tofu. And big city folks who live in a small town."

As Dipper's character walked down the cliff, he decided to take up the act as the hunter's son, listening to his "dad" give him advice.

"Son, I'm going to guide you through this hunting experience. I'll help you in every different leg of it." Said Wendy, as Dipper walked through a rocky passage now.

"Okay." Said Dipper, acting like he was nervous like the character.

All of a sudden, a mountain lion tried to pounce on him, while the game told Dipper to shoot the mountain lion in the heart.

"Don't shoot that." Said Wendy, as the mountain lion pounced in front of dipper and got off.

"What the fuck?" Said Dipper, wondering why the mountain lion just ran away and took some health off.

"Good job, son. Congratulations. You just passed the first test." Said Wendy, making the twins laugh at what just happened.

Then another mountain lion tried pouncing on Dipper, but he reacted quickly and killed the second one.

"No son. You just failed the second test. I'm ashamed of you." Said Wendy, displeased with what happened. "All he wanted to do was be your friend and you killed him."

"Friends don't try to pounce on each other dad." Responded Dipper.

"That's what my friends do." Replied Wendy, making Mabel giggle. "We always try to pounce and claw at each other's throats, it's our secret handshake."

**O-O-O**

Dipper's character found himself sliding down from the cliff, only to end up with some wolves feeding on an elk carcass.

"Oh god!" Exclaimed Dipper, as he began shooting at the wolves that tried killing them, even though wolves in real life would just run away from humans, and they weren't so tough to kill that you needed two shotgun shells to kill one in the game, which made Dipper ask Wendy a question. "Dad? Why are these wolves so tough?"

"That's because they're made out of salad." Answered Wendy, which made Dipper laugh.

After killing all the wolves, Dipper collected all their trophy skulls by holding the A button to attract them all at once, like some kind of wizard.

"Alright dad. I killed all the wolves made out of salad." Said Dipper, walking to the next section through a rocky passage.

"I'm ashamed. I'm ashamed of you son." Said Wendy, making Dipper laugh as he went through some kind of abandoned ruins.

While walking, four wolves ambushed him from behind as he ran, going into a quicktime event to shoot the wolves in the heart as they attacked.

"Look son! Fifty more wolves! Are you excited?" Asked Dipper, trying to hit the wolves attacking. "Fifty more wolves to shoot!"

"That is a completely unrealistic amount of wolves." Said Dipper, making a few second silence before Wendy broke it.

"There is no such thing as an unrealistic amount of wolves." Said Wendy, as dipper struggled to hit the remaining wolves running around, who were hard to shoot since the controls were a little stiff. "Don't worry, there's only seventy more wolves left."

Dipper laughed at the quip, making him not pay attention to the wolf that just killed him, as the game asked him to reload the last checkpoint while saying that he died. "What? I died?"

"Isn't this fun? Now you can kill ALL three hundred wolves all over again." Said Wendy, as Dipper frustratingly reloaded the checkpoint, while Mabel giggled at Wendy's impersonation, which got better and better.

As the loading screen came up, Wendy quickly broke the silence. "This is just like my prom, son. There was seventy of them."

This made Dipper laugh as he let Wendy continue, while shooting the wolves all over again. "I had to shoot all of those women in the heart with… bullets of disappointment, son. They ALL wanted what your father has, but they couldn't have it."

Eventually Dipper ran out of the ruins into a small grassland area with trees surrounding it, while getting attacked by more wolves.

"I drive a Prius. I shop at whole foods. Animals should love me." Said Dipper, wondering why the wolves would still attack as he shot them.

"That's why you're going to die, son." Said Wendy, making the twins laugh.

**O-O-O**

"I can't contain the amount of fun I'm having watching you do this…son." Said Wendy sarcastically while getting bored, still in character as the twins kept laughing. "This is so exciting."

While running through the grasslands to some trees, Dipper suddenly got attacked by more wolves, the one that pounced him however was bigger and had black fur, and was now grabbing his leg with its jaws.

"Oh god! That's a big wolf!" Exclaimed Dipper, as he tried shooting it but kept missing.

"He's got your legs, son. You might want to kick at him." Suggested Wendy, while Dipper just laughed while trying to shoot the wolf.

"I'm trying, dad. Help me!" Asked Dipper.

"You might want to think about doing something. He's going to grab… your balls next." Warned Wendy, making the twins laugh at the possible outcome.

The wolves then suddenly stopped attacking, howling and running away into the forest.

"They're running now. That means the T-rex is coming." Said Wendy, coming up with the excuse of running that made the twins laugh even harder.

**O-O-O**

As another cut scene began, Dipper started to wonder where all of this was taking place for some reason, but to make the question more interesting, he kept in character. "Dad? Where are we?"

Wendy took a moment to think before responding. "Somewhere in Montana."

Dipper just chuckled until the cut scene showed the reason why the wolves ran, a grizzly bear, which stood on its hind legs and roared.

"Now son, that's what they call, a bear." Explained Wendy, while the bear charged at Dipper, which made his game character run onto a frozen lake, somehow the ice did not break from the weight of the bear and Dipper.

As expected, the bear turned out to be a boss battle, and not a fun boss battle either. Dipper just kept shooting at the bear while avoiding its attacks since there was no other strategy to it, so the battle became quite a drag, and the stiff controls didn't help make the battle end quicker.

"Oh my god. That bears has like, superpowers or something." Said Mabel, wondering why the bear took so long to die.

"That's because the bear is actually a Smoky." Said Wendy, still in character to make it funnier.

"Don't you mean he IS Smoky, dad?" Asked Dipper, still keeping in character as well while shooting the bear.

"No son. There's more than one Smoky in Montana. They're like firefighters but furry, and they hate people who eat tofu." Answered Wendy, making Dipper laugh so the boss battle was more entertaining.

Then Dipper accidently pushed some kind of x-ray mode that helped see the bear's weakness, which he proclaimed to Wendy.

"Dad, I think I found his weakness. His heart." Said Dipper, creating a silence between the two until Wendy broke it.

"No, that's wrong." Said Wendy, making the twins laugh at the response. "Actually, his weakness is his tail. If you shoot his tail off, he'll lose the ability to control which direction he runs."

Dipper chuckled for a bit until he responded. "Dad, I don't think that's accurate."

'Their tails are similar to rudders. I know this, I've been on a boat." Assured Wendy, making the twins laugh at the response.

After being so close to killing the bear, the game dragged Dipper into a quick time event to shoot the bear, but the gun cursor was way off from shooting the heart, resulting in Dipper getting killed.

"Fuck!" Exclaimed Dipper, frustrated that he had to start over again.

"You might want to shoot the bear, son." Suggested Wendy, while the game told Dipper that he died.

"I did shoot him. Why was he suddenly on top of me?" Asked Dipper.

"That's what she said, son."

**O-O-O**

**45 Minutes later**

"Son, du- I love this… so much. Keep going." Said Wendy, barely managing to keep in character as she got bored, while Dipper laughed at Wendy's unenthusiastic attitude, while Mabel was pretty much asleep on the chair.

After forty five minutes of dying to a bear, Dipper finally won, and shouted his victory in character, waking Mabel up from her nap. "Oh yeah! WOOOO! I BEAT HIM DAD! I BEAT HIM!"

This pleased Wendy and Mabel, knowing that they could finally continue with the game, as Cole's brother came running from across the frozen lake to him.

"That was unbelievable!" Said the brother, amazed at Cole's ability to kill the bear. "I just got here. I wanted to help, but I couldn't get a clear shot."

'He really did want to help, but he couldn't do anything. Except watch you get killed over and over again by the bear." Said Wendy, now properly imitating the father which got a few chuckles out of the twins.

After hearing some dramatic whooshing sound, wolves started to swarm the lake surrounding the two brothers, which made Dipper intentionally shout "AH" in a wimpy voice for the sake of the character.

As the wolves began to kill Cole's brother, the black wolf from earlier looked at Cole before jumping towards him, which made the game stop and bring up the mission complete screen.

"Your brother is delicious." Said Wendy, making the twins laugh as the mission screen showed Dipper's stats.

**O-O-O**

**Next Time on Dangerous Hunts 2011**

"Welcome to Uganda son. They kill gay people here."

**O-O-O**

Disclaimer: I do not own Gravity Falls or Cabela's Dangerous Hunts.


	3. Chapter 3

Authors note: So here's the next chapter for the hunting game, and I want to say that I'm not really taking requests for this story, I know people are going to want requests but I really don't take them for this one in particular. Also, for this game in particular, Dipper and Wendy are almost always in character as the father and son in the game, at least their own versions, so if they seem off that's because they're acting like someone else. Other than that, enjoy the new chapter and review as always.

**Chapter 3: Uganda Sucks**

**O-O-O**

**10 years later**

Cole and his dad, along with a travel guide named Mbeki, are now traversing through a river on a small boat in Uganda.

"Welcome to Uganda, son. They kill gay people here." Said Wendy, back to her father impersonation.

"Well that's good. I killed at least six gay since we last saw each other." Replied Dipper, imitating the son as well.

"…what?" Said Wendy, surprised at the response.

"Mbeki here is the finest tracker in Africa." Said the father in the game, pointing to Mbeki, though Wendy had her own interpretation of Mbeki.

"Uh, Beki here is the finest tracker of all of Africa." Said Wendy, making Dipper wonder why "dad" said Beki.

"Beki?"

"Yeah Beki. It an unfortunate thing that they do here in Uganda." Said Wendy, still keeping her impersonation while Dipper held back laughter. "They name men with women names. I don't know why that is but, you kind of just gotta go with it."

Cole's father then pointed to some water buffalo drinking from the river, while the twins and Wendy didn't really pay attention to the in game dialogue, preferring the dialogue they make up.

"Now over there, those are water buffalo, son. Don't shoot that." Said Wendy, stressing the importance of water buffalos while Dipper still held back laughter. "That's my- those are my friends. Don't even shoot them in the ass because… I like water buffalos."

All of a sudden, a hippo came from underneath the water and attacked the boat, flipping it over and throwing everyone overboard.

"Oh god!" Shouted Dipper, not expecting the hippo.

"Shit! A hippo!" Said Wendy, still in character with her father impression, finally making Dipper laugh out loud. "Run!"

**O-O-O**

"Jesus Christ, dad!" Shouted Dipper, back into the role of the hunter as he looked around his surroundings, now at the shore of the river.

'It's okay, son. Now uh, I'm not really here with you, but I'm still in your head." Said Wendy, still in her father impersonation.

"Why does this stuff happen every time we hang out?" Asked Dipper.

"It just seems like danger is around everywhere I go, son." Answered Wendy.

"How did you even survive this long?" Asked Dipper again.

"I just try to look out for hippos." Answered Wendy, making Mabel chuckle at the answer.

Dipper then turned to see two water buffalo across the river bank, and began shooting them with his revolver.

"It those fucking water buffalo, they're just distracting you. They're nothing but a waste of life!" Exclaimed Dipper as he shot the water buffalo.

"Son, I think- you better calm down, son." Said Wendy, wanting Dipper to not shoot the water buffalo. "Those are my water buffalo friends."

"Yeah well, guess what? They're dead." Said Dipper, finishing off the water buffalo as he walked around the shore to find a way out.

"I've developed a relationship with these animals." Said Wendy as Dipper walked into a path surrounded by tall grass, while Mabel just giggled at the new banter about Uganda. "You only kill the animals I don't have a relationship with."

**O-O-O**

As Dipper walked through a path surrounded by tall grass, a small group of warthogs came from the grass and were running past Dipper in front, startling him as he began shooting the passing animals.

"Oh my god, it's a pig." Said Dipper startled, as he managed to shoot one dead.

"No, it's a warthog, son. Don't shoot them." Corrected Wendy, while Mabel was slightly displeased at her brother for shooting the warthogs, she liked pigs. "I have a relationship with them."

"Well then, what the fuck is up with these plants anyways? They're everywhere I go." Asked Dipper, wondering why there were so many plants blocking his way.

"You can't shoot them, those are my soy crops, son. I'm a farmer now." Answered Wendy, making Dipper snicker at the answer. "I'm nonviolent now."

"Farmer?" Said Dipper surprised. "I thought you were a hunter."

"I'm a farmer, son. All of those salad wolves you killed ten years ago, I used their salad corpses to grow my crops." Explained Wendy, making the twins laugh at the ridiculous answer.

While walking deeper inland of the river coast, Dipper spotted slithering towards him on the ground.

"That's a snake." Warned Wendy, as the snake bit Dipper, taking off some health while showing a snake bite on the screen.

"Oh god." Said Dipper, not expecting the snake to bite.

"That snake is biting you, son." Pointed out Wendy, as Dipper stepped back to find the snake.

"Oh shit." Said Dipper, seeing the snake and shot it dead with the revolver.

"It bit you in the nads." Said Wendy, as Dipper was now on the lookout for snakes. "It's got little pointy teeth and it sticks it right in your ball sack, and it injects the poison."

Dipper just laughed at the snake comment while Mabel held back her laughter, as Dipper spotted another two snakes from the corner of his eye.

"Dude, they're fucking everywhere!" Exclaimed Dipper as he shot the snakes.

"You gotta fuck that snake, son." Said Wendy, making Mabel crack up in laughter. "That'll get the poison out of your balls and back into the snake. You understand?"

After Dipper shot the snakes, he was now paranoid over getting bit again, searching the ground for snakes, and ended up shooting some sticks for mistaking them as snakes.

"You're seeing things, son." Said Wendy, getting a chuckle out of Dipper.

"I fucking hate Uganda."

**O-O-O**

"GAH!" Exclaimed Dipper, shocked at the sudden emergence of warthogs from the tall grass, shooting wildly at them but missed every shot.

"I thought you said you were a professional hunter, son?" Asked Wendy, still in her impression as Dipper continued forward.

"Yeah well, I use a lot of ammo." Answered Dipper, as he moved into a small murky pond area.

Then out of nowhere, a bunch of vultures start to attack Dipper.

"Ow! Ah! What the- Ow!" Exclaimed Dipper, not expecting vultures out of all things to attack him.

"Vultures are attacking you. They think you're dead." Said Wendy, as Dipper shot the vultures down.

"Fucking vultures!" Dipper exclaimed again, still confused by the illogical attack of vultures that only go after dead animals. "I'm gonna die here."

"Son, if you make it through this and when we get back, I'll let you ride in my new Prius." Said Wendy, making Dipper and Mabel chuckle as the game went into another cut scene.

The cut scene showed a crocodile trying to catch a water buffalo in its jaws, but narrowly escaped as the rest of the heard runs.

"Holy sniper." Said Dipper, expecting to fight crocodiles now.

"Son, save me. I'm trapped inside this alligator." Pleaded Wendy, making Dipper laugh at the ridiculous request for help. "Help. Help me."

"Can I shoot the alligator?" Asked Dipper, as he traversed through the murky shallow waters for his "dad".

"No, I'm inside of it. Don't be a fool." Answered Wendy.

Dipper then got ambushed by one of the crocodiles and managed to avoid it, but hesitated to shoot.

"Can I shoot this one, dad?" Asked Dipper, waiting for Wendy's permission.

"Yes, I'm not inside that one." Answered Wendy, making Dipper shoot the crocodile, and when it died, it popped up ten feet in the air before going belly up, which made the twins burst out with laughter.

"Holy shit!" Exclaimed Dipper, trying to contain his laughter now after seeing the crocodile jump ten feet.

"They pop up pretty high when you shoot them." Said Wendy, still managing to keep her cool while in her father impersonation, while Dipper still tried containing his laughter from the popping crocodiles.

**O-O-O**

"Help, son. I'm still trapped in the alligator." Said Wendy, as dipper continued forward, shooting crocodiles along the way. "Or the croc. Whatever it's called."

"I'm trying da- wait. You can't tell what it is?" Asked Dipper, wondering if Wendy knew the difference between a crocodile and an alligator.

"I'm inside of it, they all look the same." Argued Wendy, which made Dipper laugh. "Have you ever been inside a croc?"

"I'm coming dad!" Exclaimed Dipper, ready to save his "dad" from the alligator, or the croc whatever, as he sprinted through the shallow water. "All the alligators are- AH GOD!"

A crocodile struck from the water, this time it caught Dipper and dragged him into a quick time event to shoot it dead.

"That's the one, son. Get it! Get me out of here!" Exclaimed Wendy as Dipper shot the crocodile.

"I'm trying, dad!" Exclaimed Dipper as he killed the crocodile. "Fuck."

After a few moments of silence, Wendy then broke it while continuing her father impression.

"I was just kidding. I wasn't really trapped in an alligator." Said Wendy, making Dipper chuckle.

"Fucking asshole." Said Dipper lowly while chuckling, as he continued forward to his objective, shooting crocodiles in the process that all went ten feet in the air before dying.

"These are actually all robotic alligators." Said Wendy, giving her reason as to why the crocodiles pop up in the air, while the twins held back their laughter, wanting to hear Wendy's explanation. "That's why when you shoot them for the final time, they pop up in the air because there's a mechanical arm underneath that throws them up."

The twins just stifled their giggles as Wendy expanded on the whole robotic alligator situation.

"This is all actually… a setup. My whole life has been devoted to fucking with you, son." Said Wendy, making Dipper chuckle as he asked a question.

"Did it take you ten years to set up this animatronic alligator farm?' Asked Dipper.

"No, only a few months." Answered Wendy, laughing at Wendy's answer. "I have a friend. His animatronic… uh, alligator restaurant just closed down recently and he was trying to get rid of a bunch of these things."

**O-O-O**

After killing a bunch of the "animatronic alligators", Dipper stumbled upon an old wooden shack with a wooden walkway that had health and ammo.

"Are there any like, murder laws in Uganda?" Asked Dipper as he picked up the supplies.

"No, no." Said Wendy, before thinking of another answer. "Well, the only murder law in Uganda is, kill whatever you want."

This made the twins laugh while Wendy finished.

"It's not really a law I suppose, it's more of a suggestion." Finished Wendy, still making the twins laugh as Dipper headed out to go further inland.

As Dipper walked further inland, he could see an old jeep in the distance.

"Son, that car. I left the keys in it for you. You should be able to get out of here." Advised Wendy.

"Oh, okay." Said Dipper, as he walked closer to the jeep, only to see that it's broken down.

"Just kidding. This car is three hundred years old." Said Wendy, chuckling with Dipper as he continued onward.

"Oh, you fucking dick!" Exclaimed Dipper, as he switched to his shotgun for better damage. "I swear to god, dad. I'm gonna put you in a fucking retirement home and throw away the keys."

"I don't think that'll be happening anytime soon, son." Argued Wendy. "I can still take you."

Dipper then got an unexpected bite from a snake he failed to see. "Ow! Fuck!"

"Plus, the snakes are all my friends." Said Wendy, making the twins chuckle at the statement. "You put me in a retirement home, the snakes will come and rescue me, and then hunt you down."

**O-O-O**

After some snake encounters, Dipper switched to his rifle and was now shooting at a beehive from the distance since it was a collectable, which did not please Wendy.

"Don't shoot the bees, son. What are you doing?" Pleaded Wendy, but it was already too late, the hive was destroyed. "Oh no. We won't have any more honey for my English muffins."

Dipper chuckled at the comment before responding. "I'm gonna fucking kill everything you use for breakfast."

Dipper then walked to some trees, but then two leopards came from down the trees, with one of them sending Dipper into a quick time event to shoot it.

"Don't kill that, son. It's fine. Just relax." Advised Wendy, as Dipper failed to kill the leopard after shooting it six times with a revolver, losing some health in the process. "Sit down. Just sit down. They can't stand you unless you just sit. Sit, son"

That comment made Dipper laugh as he kept getting hit by the leopards, losing more health while managing to kill one of them.

"Son, you need to sit down." Continued Wendy, as Dipper killed the last leopard, noticing that his health was about zero.

"Uh, I think I'm about to die. Dad." Dipper pointed out.

"Yes, exactly. Lie down. There's health in that bush over there, but don't get that." Said Wendy, Dipper not listening as he went to get the health in the bush. "No."

Dipper got the health, making the twins laugh at Wendy for telling them to just lie down and not get health.

Then another leopard leaped at Dipper, and Dipper managed to kill the leopard with a shotgun before it got close, and pretended to breathe heavily in character. "AH *inhale* AH *inhale* AAAHAH!"

"There's another car over there. The keys are definitely in this one." Said Wendy, pointing at another jeep in the distance. "I promise. There's not a leopard underneath the seat."

"If you're lying to me again, I swear to god, dad." Warned Dipper as he walked the distance to the jeep.

"Why would I lie to you, son? I always tell the truth." Said Wendy as Dipper managed to reach the jeep, only to find it stuck in the water by the river. "The keys are in there, but uh, there's no tow trucks in Uganda so…"

"Goddamn it, dad." Said Dipper, acting frustrated over the truck in character.

"Yeah, I know. It's frustrating." Agreed Wendy. "Every time you get stuck, you just leave your vehicle there, it sucks."

This just made the twins laugh as Dipper continued onward, leaving the jeep behind.

**O-O-O**

Dipper eventually made his way to a small gorge that led down into a shallow river bank surrounded by tall grass, as a leopard leaped in front of Dipper for a quick time event.

"Oh fuck." Said Dipper, getting annoyed with the quick time events as he followed some arrow motions for the quick time event.

"You're dead now, the cut scene always kills you." Said Wendy, confusing Dipper by what she meant as another leopard knocked him down into the river bank.

"Shit." Said Dipper, as the two leopards circled around him in a cut scene. "Shit, shit, shit, shit."

But then the leopards heard something and ran off into the tall grass, as if something else was coming.

"Oh, thank god." Said Dipper relieved. 'That must be-

"A mosquito. Yes." Interrupted Wendy, as a hippo came charging at Dipper, mouth agape, and put Dipper into another quick time event.

"OH! Fucking charging hippo!" Exclaimed Dipper, managing to avoid the hippo as it disappeared into the tall grass. "Didn't see that coming."

While Dipper was trying to find his way around the tall grass on a dirt path, he had a question for Wendy.

"So wait, are leopards afraid of hippos?" Asked Dipper.

"Oh, hell yes. Hippos will fuck you up." Answered Wendy, still in her father impersonation.

"Are hippos the alpha predator?" Asked Dipper again."

"No, they're just the fattest." Answered Wendy, making the twins laugh at the answer.

Then the hippo struck again, barely making a sound besides the screen rumbling as it charged at Dipper for another quick time event, catching him off guard but managing to avoid the hippo again.

"Goddamn it." Said Dipper, chuckling in between at the hippo's stealth. "For big fat fuckers, they sure are fast and quiet."

"That's because they've been doing cardio." Said Wendy, making Dipper laugh. "I helped them exercise at least six hours a day to burn off all that fat."

"How are they so quiet then?" Asked Dipper, as he had to avoid the hippo again.

"I made stealth generators for them. Now they can sneak up on you and fuck you up." Answered Wendy, making both twins laugh now.

"Dad, you're an asshole."

**O-O-O**

Dipper then came across a small dark cave, not really paying any attention to it as he continued onward, until Wendy spoke up.

"Son, come into this cave. Come in here, I've arranged a picnic." Said Wendy, trying to convince Dipper to go in the cave as he looked at it.

"I really don't want to go in there." Said Dipper, not trusting Wendy's word.

"It's going to be a lot of fun. Come here." Said Wendy, still attempting to convince Dipper as he looked at the cave for a few seconds.

"I'm gonna go get this health pack." Said Dipper, going to get some health he found somewhere else.

"No, no. It's just you and me." Said Wendy, still trying to convince Dipper. "I've got your favorite, salad and tofu."

"I haven't eaten salad since two thousand one, when I saw my brother get eaten alive by three wolves made out of salad." Said Dipper, unconvinced as he shot another crocodile in wait for him.

"Uh, your brother, he's in the cave." Said Wendy suddenly, making the twins laugh. "He's okay. Son, come here. Your brother, he's alive."

"Really?" Asked Dipper as he went to the cave.

"Yes, along with your mother." Answered Wendy, as Dipper went inside the cave, calling out for his brother.

"Broski?" Called out Dipper, as he prepared to say many other nicknames for the brother. "Brosiden? King of the Broshin?

"Brosiden is here." Said Wendy, as Dipper continued to call for his brother.

"Abroham Lincoln? Broseph? Humphrey Broghart?"

After numerous names, Dipper was disappointed that he was lied to again and left the cave.

"There's nothing in here, dad." Said Dipper disappointingly. "No fucking salad, no tofu, no brohams."

"Oh, it was a different cave, I meant. I thought you were at this other cave." Said Wendy to Dipper's response. "I'm sorry."

**O-O-O**

Dipper then came across ta path to follow, but it was no ordinary path, a stampede of wildebeests came from the side of the path and blocked it, giving Dipper no choice but to go forward past them.

"Are you serious?" Said Dipper, frustrated with the wildebeest's sudden appearance. "Is this just a never-ending herd of Ugandan moose?"

"You gotta thread the needle, son." Said Wendy, making Dipper laugh at the statement.

"What the hell does- AH!" Dipper then got hit by the wildebeests, shocking him since he did not pay attention while crossing.

"It means look both ways before crossing, and you didn't listen, son. I thought you learned about safety at school." Said Wendy, as Dipper managed to pass the herd and into some grasslands.

"I didn't because you dragged me to, what the- AH! CHRIST!" Dipper was interrupted when he was attacked by vultures again. "Really?"

"Yeah, vultures. They do that." Said Wendy, not giving a fuck about all the crazy animal attacks going on in the game.

"No they don't!" Argued Dipper, as he began shooting vultures with a rifle. "They're the laziest bastards in the animal kingdom."

"They attack humans constantly. Haven't you heard?" Quickly argued Wendy, as Mabel chuckled at the argument. "Always attacking people in the face. It's become a cliché in Africa to say, "Oh, you're like a vulture attacking me in the face." It's Birdemic, son."

**O-O-O**

After fighting off the vultures again, Dipper ended up at the river bank again, and then got bit by another snake.

"Oh, come on!" Exclaimed Dipper, sick of the snakes biting him.

"Now there's snakes again." Said Wendy in a bored tone, making Dipper laugh at Wendy's boredom. "It's kind of like the wolves, in the-in the north, son."

After a few more snake bites, Wendy shouted out to Dipper in character.

"Run son! Run!" Exclaimed Wendy, wanting Dipper to rush through.

"Why?" Asked Dipper, taking it slow and shooting snakes.

"The snakes." Said Wendy, pointing them out so Dipper would just run.

"I have to go slow or the snakes will kill me." Said Dipper, as he continued to go slower to avoid getting bit.

"Run! You can escape the snakes, just run fast and they won't bite your balls." Said Wendy, making Dipper laugh while Wendy came up with an excuse for Dipper to go.

"Son, I'm dying. I want to give you my last wishes and-

While distracting Dipper, he almost got killed by the hippo charging at him, narrowly avoiding its jaws.

"Just kidding. I just wanted you to run into a hippo." Said Wendy, making Dipper laugh.

**O-O-O**

The stage was eventually completed, and Dipper's stat screen showed that he unlocked a level called bear mountain.

"Level unlocked, Bear mountain. Hmm." Wondered Dipper.

"Yes, come to bear mountain. There's so many waterslides, you won't even believe it." Said Wendy, as the game loaded into the next level called Grasslands.

"Are there any BEARS?" Asked Dipper sarcastically.

'They come down the waterslide after you and you have to shoot them." Answered Wendy, making the twins laugh at the ridiculous answer. "That's the fun of it."

**O-O-O**

**Next time on Dangerous Hunts 2011**

"Rudderford the water buffalo saved my life once." Said Wendy in her father impersonation, as Dipper stood over a dead water buffalo.

"I'm gonna shoot him in the dick." Said Dipper, as he shot the animal corpse where his groin should be.

"He doesn't have a dick. He never did." Said Wendy, making Dipper snicker. "He was a weird water buffalo."

**O-O-O**

Disclaimer: I don't own Gravity Falls or Cabela's Dangerous Hunts


	4. Chapter 4

Authors note: Great chapter title, huh? But anyways, new chapter. I just want to say thanks for reading this story, the next chapter will be the last one for this game before I decide to move on to either another Disneyland game or another game which I won't spoil here. I also want to recommend that I have a current story I'm working on called "Dystopia", maybe you guys will like it. So enjoy this new chapter and as always, please review and review "Dystopia" if you guys chose to read it, it's pretty good so far.

**Chapter 4: Assholes are Delicious**

**O-O-O**

As the loading screen appeared, Cole began another monologue about hunting or some shit like that.

"I knew then how my ancestors must have felt. Struggling to survive in a wilderness where the hunter is both predator and prey." Said Cole in dramatic fashion.

"Do you understand how your ancestors felt now, son? They hated this shit." Said Wendy, back in her father impersonation while Dipper laughed.

When the game loaded, Dipper was now walking through the savannah grasslands to his next objective.

"I thought that land in Montana? You said we had it in our family for generations?" Asked Dipper, back to his son impression.

"We did, but… due to a tear in the space time vortex, Montana and Uganda were in the same place for a long time before you were born. It's hard to understand, I know." Explained Wendy, making the twins burst out in laughter at the ridicules answer.

**O-O-O**

"Son, you need to find Beki." Said Wendy, acting concerned for Mbeki while Dipper chuckled.

"Where's Beki?" Asked Dipper, while Wendy was pronouncing Mbeki's name in a provocative manner.

"Mmmmbeki." Said Wendy, while the twins laughed at the pronunciation.

"Are you with Mbeki?" Asked Dipper.

"I am, and Mbeki is with child." Answered Wendy, making Dipper laugh at the response. "When you go Mbeki, you don't go, Mbacki."

Dipper just snickered at the bad pun, while zooming in his rifle at a water buffalo he found in the distance. "I'm gonna shoot this buffalo in the face."

"No, son! No!" Exclaimed Wendy, but Dipper already took out the buffalo in one shot to the head. "Oh, that was Phil. You shot Phil."

That comment just made Mabel laugh out loud while Dipper held back his laughter, not expecting Wendy to name the water buffalo. After walking a few more steps, Dipper found some more water buffalo and started to shoot them.

"These are all Phil's family. Oh, that was Alice. No, Michael. Ah, Jill." Said Wendy, naming every buffalo Dipper killed as he finally laughed out loud with Mabel, not able to hold it back any longer. "You shot Michael in the ass."

The laughing was short lived however, as Dipper was caught in a mini cut scene with a lion pride coming from the grass, with the male lion with a large mane standing on top of a rock while calling all the female lions to attack Dipper.

"Oh God, it's a lion!" Exclaimed Dipper, as the female lions began charging towards him, with one of them getting Dipper into a quick time event. "Oh shit."

Dipper managed to kill the lion, but had about five more to fight, as he began running backwards to shoot while avoiding their attacks.

"See, this man lion sends his women after you first, to soften you up." Said Wendy, while Dipper was busy shooting lions, which proved to be a tougher challenge than he thought. "That makes him a pussy."

"These things are a lot harder to kill than wolves, dad." Said Dipper.

"That's because I gave them all steroids." Explained Wendy, making Dipper laugh. "You see, I put the steroids in my soy crops so when the lions go on a diet, I go up to them and sya "Hey, want some ste- soy beans? It'll help you lose weight for your fat asses."

"Wait, you deal drugs?" Asked Dipper. "I thought you were a farmer?"

"Farmers make jack shit with their crops, how else am I supposed to get cash?" Answered Wendy, making Dipper laugh at the answer. "Besides, we're in Uganda, no one gives a fuck."

After killing all the female lions, the male lion came down and dragged Dipper into a quick time event, which resulted in an anti-climactic battle with the lion dead after one shot in the heart.

"You killed that lion?" Asked Wendy, surprised that the lion didn't take thousands of bullets to die.

"I think so. I did it, I did it!" Exclaimed Dipper, relived that he didn't have to spend all day killing one animal.

"I don't understand how that's possible." Said Wendy, wondering why it was so easy this time. "That bear from earlier was about seven hundred times harder to kill than those lions."

"Maybe it's because I didn't have to shoot it in the tail, which didn't work by the way." Said Dipper, while Wendy just rolled her eyes.

"I should have given that bear more steroids."

**O-O-O**

While Dipper was now walking on a dirt path surrounded by tall grass, a female lion suddenly appeared from the brush and bit Dipper, who had no idea about the lion until now.

"Ow, Fuck!" Exclaimed Dipper, as he shot the lion dead with a shotgun.

"Next time, shoot him in the nards." Advised Wendy, and as soon as she said that, another lion appeared and bit Dipper again.

"Ugh! Fucking lions." Said Dipper, clenching his teeth as he spoke, while missing multiple shots due to the stiff controls. "Really?"

After killing the lion, he shortly moved forward until, guess what? Another Lion, appered from the brush to maul Dipper from behind, who was getting fed up with constant lion attacks.

"Oh God!" Exclaimed Dipper, now getting frustrated over the amount of lion attacks.

"Son, he was behind you the whole time. Didn't you see him?" Asked Wendy.

"It's a she." Corrected Dipper, since female lions had no mane unlike males.

"Didn't you see her jump over your head?" Asked Wendy, while Dipper just killed the lion and moved onwards.

**O-O-O**

After walking for a short while, Dipper came across a dead water buffalo on the ground, while he shot a few vultures in case they came after him.

"Oh no, not Rudderford." Said Wendy in dramatic fashion.

"Rudderford?" Asked Dipper.

"Rudderford the water buffalo saved my life once." Said Wendy, while Dipper stood over the buffalo corpse.

"I'm gonna shot him in the dick." Said Dipper, as he shot the buffalo corpse where the groin should be.

"He doesn't have a dick. He never did." Said Wendy, making Dipper snicker. "He was a weird water buffalo."

After killing a few more animals, Dipper could see a shack in the distance which was his destination.

"Dad, I think I'm getting close to you now." Said Dipper as he looked around his surroundings. "The concentration of animals has went down significantly."

"I'm not in that shack." Said Wendy, trying to make Dipper go away from the shack. "Mbeki is not giving birth in that shack, I swear."

The twins just laughed at the lie as Dipper went inside the shack, only to find more supplies and a new weapon, the hunting crossbow.

"Hey look, a new weapon that I can't see when I pick it up. I'm blown away." Said Dipper sarcastically.

While Dipper left the shack and went back into an open grassland area, another lion pride came up and did the same pattern as last time.

"Oh, fuck me." Said Dipper, annoyed that he had to fight lions again.

"How about another lion?" Asked Wendy, making Dipper laugh at the offer.

While four female lions charged at Dipper, Wendy was now getting bored of the lions and while she still spoke in the father impersonation, you could tell by the tone of her voice that she was bored of them.

"Great, just four more of these stupid fuckers." Said Wendy sarcastically, as Dipper took out the lions one by one with the crossbow. "This is going to be so much fun."

"Dude. This crossbow is awesome." Said Dipper, noticing that the lions died in one hit with the crossbow, as he took out the male lion with one shot as well. "This is so much better now."

Wendy just sighed as she got up from the floor and plopped down on the chair Dipper was sitting on, while Dipper still sat on the chair with Wendy, moving back to give Wendy more leg room as Mabel just sat on the rug next to the chair.

"Dad? Is Mbeki giving birth yet?" Asked Dipper, going back into his son impression to get Wendy's attention, which it did as she answered back in her father impression.

"Are you retarded? Mbeki is a man." Answered Wendy, making Mabel laugh at the answer. "He can't give birth."

Dipper continued onward into several dirt paths surrounded by tall grass as followed his objective while Wendy still talked about the whole Mbeki thing.

"I never taught you what sarcasm is." Said Wendy, as Dipper just quietly chuckled at Wendy's response as she continued in a sarcastic tone. "Sarcasm is actually deadly. You can use it to kill animals."

"Really?" Asked Dipper, acting like an idiot.

"No." Answered Wendy immediately, making Dipper chuckle a bit louder.

Then the chuckling was interrupted when a lion attacked Dipper from the grass again, not really shocking Wendy or the twins at this point, as Dipper shot at the lion.

"Oh wow, another lion. How interesting." Said Wendy in a bored tone, making Dipper laugh at Wendy's bored tone. "I'm surprised that another lion would attack you here, son."

**O-O-O**

After going through several more ambushes of lions, Dipper reached an empty grassland area, above it is a small gorge that had a small herd of water buffalo grazing on, which Dipper took the liberty of aiming at with his rifle, while Wendy gave each of the buffalo names.

"These are my friends, son. There's Clarence. And there's uh, Randal, Carly."

"Which one is your favorite?" Asked Dipper, while Wendy continued naming the rest of the buffalo.

"Milford, Poodle, Rumpus, Sheepskin, Corn, Sand, Paper, and Tupac." Finished Wendy.

"Which one is your favorite?" Asked Dipper again, taking aim at the buffalo.

"My favorite is… Corn." Answered Wendy, as Dipper aimed at one of the water buffalo in the head.

"This one?" Asked Dipper about the buffalo in his sights.

"Yes. I love him." Answered Wendy.

Dipper then shot Corn with a single headshot as the rest of the herd ran away after hearing the gunfire.

"Hmmm. Maybe you shouldn't shoot my friends like that." Said Wendy, as Dipper continued to fire at the buffalo, killing a few more before they all ran away.

"Your friends are stupid, dad." Said Dipper, as Wendy acted in a way to show concern for virtual animals.

"Why are you shooting my friends and their brains like this?" Asked Wendy, acting concerned for the buffalo. "What have I ever done to you, son?"

"You sent armies of animals to hunt me down." Answered Dipper, as the buffalo came back and Dipper shot each one that did. "Look, they're so stupid that they're coming for more."

"They're trying to be your friend again." Said Wendy, as she tried to convince Dipper not to kill every water buffalo. "These are good animals. They know that the power of redemption is strong, and that you'll eventually stop shooting them and redeem yourself and become a good person."

"I don't think so, dad." Said Dipper, laughing between breaths as he killed every buffalo.

"You shot every single one." Said Wendy surprised, making Dipper laugh at Wendy's reaction. "This is… potentially the worst day of my life. You're such a sick individual."

"Oh god, their hearts are so delicious, dad." Mocked Dipper, as he collected their trophies and pretended to eat their hearts, until one of the water buffalo came down from the gorge and began charging at Dipper. "Oh god. This one is coming after me."

"Yeah, they're gonna get revenge on you, you fucking asshole." Said Wendy, as Dipper avoided the water buffalo along with the others behind it.

Dipper began shooting them as they ran, while Wendy called out their names as they got shot.

"Kill him. Get him Sally, Jimmy, Bonnie, Hortense, and Creeee-mate. Cremate." Called out Wendy, making the twins laugh at the last name. "Cremate, he never should have been named that."

**O-O-O**

While Dipper walked through a rocky path, Wendy couldn't help herself but feel bored of the game with nothing going on in the level, so she just began saying whatever she felt like saying, which was also probably the truth.

"Ugh son, do you have any weed?" Asked Wendy, while Dipper stifled a chuckle.

"Dude, you live in Africa." Answered Dipper, while Wendy went on rambling about Africa.

"It's legal here, everything is." Said Wendy, making the twins laugh at Wendy's response. "You can do anything here, its chaos."

As Dipper collected a journal entry belonging to Mbeki, his voice came up to read it out loud, though that didn't mean anyone listened.

"Please son. Just one tab of acid maybe, anything to make this bearable." Asked Wendy, making the twins laugh further while Wendy chuckled between breathes. "I think I'm dying."

"Evil forces, are at work here." Said Mbeki's voice, finishing the last part of the journal.

"Don't believe Mbeki, he's a pathological liar." Warned Wendy, while Dipper laughed at the warning. "He's always lying to me."

Dipper eventually went into a cut scene, as Cole saw Mbeki looking over a cliff in front of him at a wildfire down below.

"Mbeki burned all those villages. He killed all those people. Get away from him as fast as you can or shoot him" Warned Wendy further, as Dipper stifled his chuckles.

Then a cheetah came from behind and pounced on Mbeki, while the cheetah turned around for the finishing blow, Dipper was dragged into a quick time event to kill the cheetah.

"Mbeki." Said Dipper and Wendy at the same time, as Dipper finished off the cheetah as it fell from the cliff while Wendy finished her sentence. "Please save my husband, Mbeki."

Dipper just chuckled at Wendy's response as the cut scene resumed, with Mbeki lying down wounded as he told Cole where to go.

"Alright son, one last hand job from Mbeki before he dies. And since I can't be there." Implied Wendy, to which Dipper refused.

"Oh my god, dad. No." Said Dipper as he walked away from Mbeki and back into the rocky path, while jumping down into a small gorge. "Alright dad, I'm coming for you."

"You're just leaving Mbeki there?" Asked Wendy.

"I have to." Answered Dipper.

"Without a farewell hand job?" Asked Wendy again, disappointed at Dipper's refusal. "Damn it, son. What's wrong with you?"

"I was raised by an asshole." Replied Dipper, as he was ambushed by two cheetahs.

"I love assholes, son. Have you ever licked a cheetah's asshole, son?" Responded Wendy, as Dipper tried to hold back his laughter at the disgusting joke, while Mabel just found that joke nasty but surprisingly funny. "You just put some mayo or Worcestershire's sauce on there, it's delicious. They love it."

As Dipper finished off the cheetahs while holding back his laughter, he only had one thing to say about Wendy's asshole joke. "Dad, you are a sick pervert."

"Suck a cheetah's ass with Worcestershire's sauce, son. And then come back and you tell me."

**O-O-O**

"I'm looking for medical supplies for Mbeki." Informed Dipper, as Wendy kind of dozed off for a bit, as Dipper found himself looking at a flipped over pickup truck by the side of the road. "Did you do this?"

"No, son. I would never flip a truck upside down. But I was in it when it was flipped upside down." Answered Wendy, as she gave her explanation as to what happened. "I was attacked by a… a weasel."

"A weasel?" Asked Dipper skeptically. "It was a weasel?"

'Yes, son. The Ugandan Weasel, those fuckers are aggressive." Said Wendy, making the twins laugh at the answer. "They're rare, but they could take on at least a thousand salad wolves at once."

After some more tedious crap, Dipper found himself a pickup truck to drive as another pickup truck came from behind to follow him.

"Son, you're gonna have to outrun this cheetah, he's an ace driver." Said Wendy, referring to the driver in back as a cheetah, making Dipper chuckle at the dumb thought. "I've raced him before. If you just keep turning, he'll lose. Cheetahs were never good at turning anyways."

After even MORE tedious crap that was not too interesting, Dipper found himself on the next level, with Mbeki driving the truck as water buffolo came charging from behind as a stampede, running from the fiery blaze behind as Dipper shot any buffolo that came too close form hitting the truck.

"Dad, what the hell is going on?" Asked Dipper, confused at the high concentration of buffalo. "There's like a million water buffalo out here."

"Nature is taking revenge on you, son." Explained Wendy, as she gave further explanation to the chaos around. "I've sent out ten divisions of water buffolo to destroy you."

"Divisions?" Inquired Dipper.

"Divisions. There's ten divisions." Responded Wendy. "You better watch your ass."

Then Dipper went into a cut scene that showed the truck jumping from a broken bridge on fire to the other side.

"Jump it, son! Jump it!" Exclaimed Wendy in the most unenthusiastic way possible. "Yay!"

The twins just chuckled until a rhino immediately came charging at Dipper from the side, surprising Dipper that a rhino even appeared.

"A rhino?!" Exclaimed Dipper surprisingly.

"It's fine." Said Wendy, casually waving off the rhino's presence.

"A fucking rhino, dad!" Exclaimed Dipper again, concerned about the rhino if it would lead into an annoying boss fight.

"This might be what tipped over that other truck, son." Said Wendy, making Dipper laugh out loud. "I thought it was a weasel, but maybe it was a rhino."

Then the rhino hit the truck from its side so hard, it flung Cole from the truck and into an arena like area, similar to the bear boss fight, except surrounded by old concrete walls instead of ice and rocks. Then the rhino pushed away the truck, while flipping it over in every way possible manner.

"Mbeki, no!" Exclaimed Dipper as the rhino pushed the truck over. "Oh god. That can't be good for his unborn child."

**O-O-O**

After the cut scene, Dipper's fear came true as a health bar for the rhino appeared above the screen, as the rhino charged at Dipper in familiar fashion as the bear, except it was faster and harder to kill than the last boss battle.

"This will be similar to that bear fight, son. Except even more annoying and stupid." Said Wendy as the rhino charged at Dipper again, repeating the same strategy as Dipper found it a hard time to keep up with the rhino.

"Dad, where do I shoot rhinos?" Asked Dipper, expecting advice from Wendy on how to kill the rhino.

"It doesn't matter son, they're invincible." Answered Wendy, which made Dipper laugh at the answer.

"Please Dad, I need you." Pleaded Dipper. "How did Spider Man beat The Rhino?"

"Son, have you ever licked a rhino's asshole?" Asked Wendy, not giving the proper advice to Dipper which somewhat annoyed him.

"No dad, I haven't licked any rhin- buttholes" Said Dipper as he continued to shoot the rhino.

**One Hour Later**

After numerous tries and asshole licking jokes from Wendy, Dipper managed to beat the rhino by killing it with his crossbow, relieved that he finally won.

"I did it, dad. I beat that dumb fucking rhino." Said Dipper, not as enthusiastically as he would have acted if it didn't take so many deaths to beat the rhino. "And I saved you wife… I mean husband."

As the game went into a cut scene, Dipper expected an answer from Wendy who was just staring at the screen blankly with a bored expression, while Mabel just fell asleep from Dipper's constant failure at the game, before Dipper nudged at Wendy to get her attention.

"Wah- oh sorry, son. I was zoned out, I was thinking of rhino butthole." Said Wendy, making Dipper snicker at the joke while Mabel yawned and woke up.

Then Mbeki knocked Cole down during the cut scene, getting the group's attention as Mbeki explained why he did that.

"I will not see you fall victim to the same curse that destroyed your father." Said Mbeki, while Wendy finished Mbeki's sentence with her own words.

"The curse. The curse of being addicted to delicious animal butthole." Said Wendy, making Mabel giggle while Wendy took a deep sniff to emulate the addiction as she looked at Dipper. "Son, you don't want this. You don't want to be addicted to this, son. You have to get out of Uganda. It's like crack, except its… buttholes."

**O-O-O**

**Next time on Dangerous Hunts 2011**

"What the hell, dude!?" Exclaimed Dipper, as he got hit by rocks thrown by monkeys.

"They're throwing their own feces at you, son." Said Wendy, making Mabel laugh out loud.

"This shit, hurts more than a fucking jaguar biting me." Complained Dipper. "How do they have so much shit?"

"It was thanksgiving for the baboons yesterday." Answered Wendy, making Dipper laugh out loud with Mabel. "They're VERY, very full."

**O-O-O**

Disclaimer: I do not own Gravity Falls or Cabela's Dangerous Hunts 2011.


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